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The Person You Mean to Be: How Good People Fight Bias
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Foreword by Laszlo Bock, the best-selling author of Work Rules! and former senior vice president of People Operations at Google.
An inspiring guide from Dolly Chugh, an award-winning social psychologist at the New York University Stern School of Business, on how to confront difficult issues including sexism, racism, inequality, and injustice so that you can make the world (and yourself) better.
Many of us believe in equality, diversity, and inclusion. But how do we stand up for those values in our turbulent world? The Person You Mean to Be is the smart, "semi-bold" person's guide to fighting for what you believe in.
Dolly reveals the surprising causes of inequality, grounded in the "psychology of good people". Using her research findings in unconscious bias as well as work across psychology, sociology, economics, political science, and other disciplines, she offers practical tools to respectfully and effectively talk politics with family, to be a better colleague to people who don't look like you, and to avoid being a well-intentioned barrier to equality. Being the person we mean to be starts with a look at ourselves.
She argues that the only way to be on the right side of history is to be a good-ish - rather than good - person. Good-ish people are always growing. Second, she helps you find your "ordinary privilege" - the part of your everyday identity you take for granted, such as race for a white person, sexual orientation for a straight person, gender for a man, or education for a college graduate. This part of your identity may bring blind spots, but it is your best tool for influencing change. Third, Dolly introduces the psychological reasons that make it hard for us to see the bias in and around us. She leads you from willful ignorance to willful awareness. Finally, she guides you on how, when, and whom, to engage (and not engage) in your workplaces, homes, and communities. Her science-based approach is a method any of us can put to use in all parts of our life.
Whether you are a long-time activist or new to the fight, you can start from where you are. Through the compelling stories Dolly shares and the surprising science she reports, Dolly guides each of us closer to being the person we mean to be.
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 9 hours and 5 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: HarperAudio
Audible.com Release Date: September 4, 2018
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B07FN2JG4M
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
"I had hoped that [good people] would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress."*Martin Luther King wrote those words in his Letter From a Birmingham Jail in 1963. More than 50 years later, many of those same dams still exist - and even though many of us think of ourselves as good people, if we're honest, we're often much more focused on our own day-to-day challenges than we are on finding ways to encourage social progress.Dolly's book attacks that challenge head-on, and provides a blueprint for how we can be more aware of challenges others face, more likely to engage those challenges, and more capable of using our privilege in ways that produce a more positive outcome. Throughout the book, I felt inspired to look for ways to make a positive impact in my own day-to-day interactions. Just as importantly, Dolly does a fantastic job highlighting common mistakes people make - often with the best intentions - that can frustrate progress.I am certain that anyone reading this book will come away recognizing behaviors in themselves that they can improve on, that they will be inspired to pursue potentially uncomfortable conversations / experiences in the hopes of learning about those around them and their challenges. Throughout, the book blends anecdotes (see my disclosure below, btw) with years of research that will give even the most skeptical reader confidence that progress is not only possible, it's likely.* Dr. King didn't say "good people". He said "the white moderate". He was specifically calling attention to the vast majority of whites in the early 60s who were generically in favor of civil rights, but often specifically opposed to the methods and tactics chosen by those most affected by the lack of civil rights. For purposes of this quote (and given the focus of Dolly's book more broadly), it felt appropriate to swap out the generic 'good people' without altering the meaning of what he was saying.Full disclosure: I'm one of the people Dolly profiles in her book. I'm recommending the book in spite of that, not because of that. :)
The Person You Mean to Be is an extraordinary book that helped me answer questions I’ve been grappling with for a long time. I am a true believer in equity, diversity and inclusion but have often found myself paralyzed by fear, discomfort and/or the sheer enormity of the problems facing the world. As hard as it is to admit, I have let too many opportunities slip by having done nothing to be a part of the solution. The Person You Mean to Be helped me stop beating myself up about it and showed me that there are things I can do each and every day to take meaningful action to fight injustice. It provided specific, tangible ways I can use my own privilege and power to make a difference. This book has changed the way I think and most importantly, it has changed the way I live my life. I am a total work in progress, but this book was the jumping off point I needed to activate my own growth mindset and set me on a path toward becoming meaningfully more active and impactful on the world around me.In addition to being so incredibly useful, practical and inspiring, Dolly Chugh is also one of the most engaging, endearing and charming authors I’ve read. I loved this book so much I bought 5 more copies for friends and family. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.
There are few things that have made me quite as uncomfortable as the deep realization that I am steered by my unconscious biases. As a proudly self labeled “Allyâ€, I approached this book as something that would reinforce what I already knew - I was doing everything right. Wrong.The Person You Mean To Be is full of realizations that even the most well meaning among us are still afflicted with unconscious bias, our own and that of others, and as one chapter tells us, “builders opt for willful awarenessâ€.I don’t have all of the words yet to fully articulate how important and timely this work is.
Stop whatever you are doing. Read this book (The Person You Mean to Be, by Dolly Chugh). Then, continue with your life in a new way, because “if you are not part of the problem, you cannot be part of the solution.†I’m quoting a chapter title from the book, and it’s one of the many brainworms in this essential book about privilege, empathy, and bias. At the end of it you’ll continue to think – all the time – about headwinds and tailwinds, bounded awareness, being humanized versus otherized. But wait! You also get - in addition to an effortless narrative style, and thoughtful stories and research told with care, precision and heart – a few steps you can take to move from believer (“all these good thoughts and concepts are so… Good!) to the vital builder (“I can make a difference, and I NEED TO make a difference in how I, my friends, my community and this lovely, lonely planet – in that order – do the work of confronting unconscious bias.â€) It’s a topic we breeze over in conversations and workshops, and decide to talk about another time. Dr. Chugh tells us how to do the work, now. Now is only time to start your transition from a good person to the person you mean to be.
Dolly Chugh's analysis is spot on. Most human resource directors and company leaders that I interact with have made steps toward incorporating inclusiveness & diversity best practices into the workplace...yet sense something is still missing and don't know where to go from here.Identifying the bias that "good-ish" individuals still hold and making suggestions on how to move forward reads like a Phase 2 Implementation Guide to encouraging people and organizations further in this direction. While you may not always feel "good-ish" while you read it, you will certainly feel "good-ish-er" by the end for facing realities and identifying a few paths forward.
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